While Life Happened

Hello everyone, how's your weekend been? I came across this picture on Twitter and I was moved by it because it clearly shows how far apart generations have become with technology. This picture was presumably taken a few days ago while the Pope visited the United States of America. Loads of people came out to the streets to catch a glimpse of him and he was driven past (in a cute Fiat for that matter;) and amidst the anticipation of seeing him and preserving the memory of his visit, many people were glued to their phones while this dear old woman stood out because she came to see the Pope with her own eyes and not through the eyes of a lens. 

This generation is all about capturing everything around us on our cellphones, which is not so bad sometimes but surely not every time and everywhere. We would only end up missing out on so much in life if we keep up this way.

So live, love, cherish, smile, help, laugh, dance, jump, and just keep living well for each moment. Have a lovely Sunday.

#DearBuki: My Son Might Not Be Mine.

Hello dear blog readers, how has your day been? I have started a column tagged #DearBuki where you can send whatever issues weighing on your minds and I would do my best to proffer solutions to them by giving my opinion and showing other perspectives to them. I do a lot of these guidance and counselling offline so I felt the need to bring it on my blog. Do send me an email on bukiotuyemi@gmail.com and we will put heads together. Check out the first post here , the second one here , the third one here , the fourth one here and the fifth one here.

As they say, a problem shared, is a problem half solved. :)

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Dear Buki, I like the matured and impartial way you have been responding to the issues brought to your attention through your blog. I follow you on twitter as well and I have seen you tackle issues with wisdom. I am a keen admirer of smart women like you and this is part of why I have chosen to send in my story and seek advice. 

Buki, I have a problem that is threatening to destroy my home and my mind. I have a suspicion that my first child might not be mine. I have been married for 5 years and we have 2 children between us. I love my wife so much but she betrayed the trust I have in her some months ago. She confessed to me that she had a child when she was much younger but did not tell me because she was afraid of losing me. The child is being raised by her mother and she has never participated in his upbringing besides sending money for his upkeep. I mean, what sort of person forgets to mention such vital information to their spouse before getting married and then waits for  four years afterwards before coming clean?

I felt so pained and disappointed in her and I still feel the same way. Who is this woman I have had by my side and given my all to for the past 5 years? No one in her family deemed it fit to mention the small fact that she had a child to me.  The discovery almost made me lose my mind but I overcame.
They have all been pleading with me to understand and be forgiving and God knows I have been trying to forgive her and continue with this marriage.

Well, the issue now is that my mind is playing tricks on me as I think I can see a resemblance between our first child and her first child. I know it is probably just paranoia but how can I even be sure and how can I handle this situation without rocking my children's worlds? I cannot even tell my family members or friends about these issues and suspicions because I know what their reaction would be.

Thanks.

Lami


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Dear Lami, thanks for getting in touch for my input. Hmmmn, it is quite a dilemma you're in. For a person to hide such vital information from their spouse makes me want to question their character. She should have come clean about her child from the onset, rather than confess years later. I am curious as to what made her come clean when she did. Is it that she feels more comfortable that you could handle the revelation when she 'fessed up rather than prior? Or was she being threatened/blackmailed/coerced into doing so? 

I really like the fact that you are kind enough to forgive her indiscretion and tried to get past it. It is however expected that doubts would rise every now and then because of the seed of dishonesty she has sown. The both of you need to see a proper marriage counsellor if you really want to make this work. I will enquire and pass on the information to you via email. I also think you need to sit her down and let her know what your concerns are. Perhaps taking a DNA test would allay your fears and help you move forward better and quicker. There are some pretty good DNA centres in Lagos and it takes about 10 days for the results to come back. They are 99% accurate, so have no fear.

I understand your reluctance in sharing the betrayal with your family members because they will most likely be less tolerable of her. It takes a really mature mind to do this and it proves that you still care about her deeply enough to protect her reputation with them. Keep it this way for a bit more until the DNA results come back and even afterwards unless there's no way to salvage your marriage.

I am really sorry for your troubles and I hope you can resolve all the issues as quickly as possible.

All the best Lami.

Buki O.

#Music: Cheerleader – Pentatonix (OMI Cover)

If you haven't heard about this a cappella band called Pentatonix then you have been missing out on really good music. I have posted a couple of their songs here and here in the past.

Below is a new and beautiful rendition cover of OMI's Cheerleader.

Enjoy. :)

Eid Mubarak :)

Here's wishing my Muslim blog visitors from all over the world a very happy celebration today. God bless us all.

Thankfully we have a two-day holiday here in Nigeria. The break from the usual hustling and bustling is very much needed. I can't thank you Muslims enough for this opportunity. I intend to visit some friends I haven't seen in a while and to chill and relax as much as I can. :)

Enjoy your day.

Sometimes, You Have To Let It Go

Last week, I came across this shocking video of an older African woman getting into an altercation ,which then degenerated into violence, with a young lad on a bus in England. The woman has a distinctive Nigerian accent while I cannot say for sure where the young man is originally from but I know enough not to mess with those black British chaps o.

I think was happened was just a misunderstanding about territory (yeah, I know. On a bus, right? Sigh) which should have ended after the first minute or two rather than the continuous exchange of words and insults. Eventually, the boy hit the older woman and bust her lips. I am glad the bus driver did not let him off until they had called the authorities. 

The truth is as painful and rude as the young man was to the elderly woman (Yes, Africans are big on respecting your el;dress o, regardless of where you might be or come from), I think she really should have let it go earlier than allow things to fall apart to the point of being hit by him. :(

Come, Let's Mingle :)

The smallbigchops brand wanted to create a place for Twitter handles to reveal their faces, meet their followers and make new friends while discovering amazing meals by fellow #foodies and sharing quality time with their families. It's an opportunity to be have good food, be around happy people making polite conversations and listening to music by specially selected acts.

Fans of @EsePeters,  @itsAduke, @cycloneArtemis will bask in the euphoria of their beautiful sounds and meaningful lyrics on that lovely Independence day. There will also be spoken word poets to make us feel the sheer pleasure of being Nigerians on that great day.

Anytime from 12pm (noon) will be perfect to attend. Guests are encouraged to come with their drinks. 

There will be lots of freebies on the menu and more delicacies to buy at very low prices.

The venue is Queens Drive, Ikoyi, Lagos. October 1st. You can't miss our banners!

*The Food. *The People *The Networking *The Goodies *The small chops

Kindly visit our website for more information and feel free to subscribe : www.smallbigchops.com. Also, follow the conversation on our twitter timeline: @SmallBigChops

Wouldn't you rather come enjoy the pretty waterside in our company? 

See you there. 

Eghe

Twitter: @Euphoria9ja 

On behalf of The SBC Team

#BlogFeature: Visit To The Bereaved.

Here's another beautiful piece from Toyin Femi-Akinlade. Her articles have been featured on here several times and she's an absolutely fantastic writer. Lessons like these, which she's written about below, need to be shared and learned from.

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 " It is better to go to the house of mourning than feasting for that is the end of all men..."

                                  Ecclessiastes 7:2

I often hear people say when they hear of someone that just lost a loved one that they do not know how to commiserate with the bereaved. Particularly if the deceased either died untimely or in very sad or painful circumstances.

I felt this same way two years ago when a dear cousin lost her husband untimely exactly two weeks after their daughter's first birthday. What made his death particularly sad was because they had only been married for just 4 years and she got married when she was well in her 30's. Married late as we say in this part. My first reaction when I heard was, 'How do I begin to console her? What do I even say to her?' 

I also lost my dad not too long ago and like they say in my part of the country; 'We see even through our tears (Ti a ba n sunkun, a ma riran)'. I observed the many shenanigans of people who came on condolence visits  to our family. Talk about the good, bad and ugly. While some had comforting words, gave helping hands, some would have been better off not visiting.

This is what has prompted  this write up. These are a few tips I think people will find handy when going to visit the bereaved:

. Keep quiet if you don't have anything reassuring to say. Silence is golden remember?

. Offer a shoulder to lean on or your arms to hug and your hanky handy (clean ones please).

. Let the bereaved cry out. Don't try to make them suppress the tears. Don't try to control how people grieve. I cannot stress this enough. Some people will tell you, you have a lifetime to mourn so you shouldn't go overboard by crying your eyes out for days. If they need to cry or yell out please let them. Yes it may not bring back the dead but it's healing for the soul. Where caution is necessary is when that is all the bereaved wants to do.

. Don't lie or try to say flattering things about the deceased thinking you are comforting the bereaved. By all means be sincere in whatever you have to say.

. You could play a song. Music is therapeutic trust me. Something cool, soft and inspiring. Gospel music for the Christians or just good old jazz instrumentals. The choir in my dad's church came and sang a couple of his favourite hymns in Acapella style. That visit is one that left an indelible mark in our hearts. As we listened to them sing particularly the hymn, Peace Be Still, we were comforted and knew in that instant he was indeed in a better place free from the pain and discomfort he suffered in his dying days.

. When the bereaved feels better make them ride on the wave of the moment. They have a lifetime to mourn the loss of their loved one don't spoil a fine moment by drawing their attention back to it.

. Help out with something. House chores if you can. Take something along whenever you go visit. Money, food etc.

. Give sound counsel that will make the bereaved look beyond their loss, see the silver lining in the cloud.

. Say a prayer. I know the not so religious people may question this but really and truly a prayer sincerely said is so reassuring. It doesn't have to be loud. Just hugging the bereaved and whispering the words of prayer in their ears is enough. Though you can only do this if you are close to any member of the grieving family. A particular man of God visited us and as is the usual custom, he prayed with us before taking his leave. He said his prayers in Yoruba and forgive me but this has to be the deepest language in the world. He in his prayers listed out many reasons we had to be thankful for our father's life. Things that even we didn't notice making us realize like we say in my language that, ' He who thinks deeply will surely have reasons to give thanks ' (Eni ba monu ro a mope da).'

His prayers were as though someone wrapped a blanket around one on a very cold night. I felt this way. Every of my siblings and mum felt the same way too.

. Please do not force tradition down people's throats. I wish I could yell this from a rooftop. There are some things I believe civilization should have taken from us. This is me speaking generally as thankfully we didn't have to deal with this. This is the 21st century!!! 'Nuff said.

These are just a few tips and are by no means exhaustive. If you have more, please do share.

Article by: Toyin Femi-Akinlade
Email: toyinakinlade@gmail.com

Please Learn From This.

There's a Yoruba saying that goes "Nkan ti ko da o ni oruko meji" and this simply means what is bad is bad. I witnessed something bad this morning that shook me to my very core. I had been stuck in traffic for over an hour, on a stretch of road that should have taken me about seven minutes to cover. It was upsetting enough that I would be getting to work late on a Monday morning through no fault of mine. Apparently the state government had laid some sanctions on the movements of heavy duty trucks during the day but like recalcitrant children, the truckers had all parked and left their trucks on the main roads all the way from Apapa to Jibowu thereby constituting a nuisance to every commuter on this Monday morning. (I will come back to this issue later.)

Anyways, as I finally found my way to Mobolaji Bank Anthony Way, I noticed a man lying smack bang in the middle of the road. A LAWMA road cleaner placed a caution cone beside his head and walked away from him to continue her duty sweeping the road. I was gobsmacked at the very casual manner in which everyone carried on and ignored the twitching man. I asked my cabbie to pull over and secure my bag and gadgets while I got out to try to help. He was alive when I came up to him, he had dribbled on his chin but he was alive. I noticed some watches were scattered around him and deduced that he was probably a hawker, so I beckoned to another hawker beside him and asked what the issue was. He told me to leave the man alone and that he would come around. Say what now? It is not normal to leave someone needing medical attention unattended to for goodness sake.

I kept talking to the man, who had now begun to come around slowly. I tried calling the emergency line but I guess the shock of what I was witnessing made me mix up the numbers so I had no luck getting through to them. A newspaper vendor walked up to me and demanded I must not touch the man because he had had a convulsion and shouldn’t be touched. Ermm, but “convulsions are not contagious”, I shrieked. He wouldn’t listen and he kept insisting that the man would be fine without being touched for my own good.  It was really overwhelming for me. 

I kept speaking to the poor man lying there as I wished a doctor or someone else would stop and help me help him, but sadly no one else did. A man did stop on the other side of the road to ask me if the man had been knocked down or something, but that was about it. I kept on reassuring the victim as he came around slowly, looking very dazed. He finally managed to stand up and encouraged I him to sit down on the pavement and pull himself together. He looked so sad, dazed and confused that I just wanted to give him a hug. But I could not because Mr. Vendor was looming and insistent that no one should touch the man. Sigh. 

I stayed with him for some more minutes but I was running so late for work and once I knew he was alright by himself, I implored him to please take good care of his health and slow down a bit on the hustling. I left and as soon as I got into the cab, I started crying and shaking. How can a human life mean so little? Shouldn’t every life matter enough for all efforts to be made to secure the lives? At what poit did we get to in humanity where helping strangers in need has become so rare? We all ought to be more #AllHeartsAlways, we simply must because that could have been you or I in need of help. I got to work with a very heavy heart and that burdensome feeling has stayed with me all day.

I hope sharing my experience would encourage at least one person to stop and help the needy around them. The easiest way the world would be a much better place is if we all reach out and play an active part in ensuring so.

Be #AllHeartsAlways

What I Got Up To (5)........

Hello and a very happy new week to you all. How did your weekend go? Mine was quite chilled because I made a very conscious effort to slow down and rest. 

Friday was a bit daunting at work because I had a near crisis with someone who misinterpreted/misheard an information I passed on to him. Thankfully, I had made the call in front of witnesses and had also jotted down the information I gave to him. It would have been so easy for him to pass the buck and make me pay for his own mistake. I dodged a bullet there. We were able to resolve it eventually.  I drove le hubbs home because he had had a long day and was rather worn out. I enjoyed the drive home because it appeared that everyone was hanging out that Friday night so there was minimal traffic on the roads, hehehe.

Looking mellow in whit and yellow on Friday. :)

My dear aunt was around to spend some time with me, she arrived on Friday and it was fun catching up with her because I had not seen her in ages. She is an amazing woman with a wicked sense of humour so you can imagine the laughs we had. I am glad she came around this weekend because my maid had her weekend off and her presence allowed me dash off to the salon to get my hair done. I had rested very well for a while earlier in the day.

Hair-do or Hair-don't? 

On my way back home, le hubbs called bearing great news. He was going to get us some amazing turkey from Bar Enclave. Whoop whoop, if you live on the mainland in Lagos and haven't had some of the legendary Bar Enclave turkey, you are on a veryyyyyyyy long thing. People come from the island and even from outside Lagos to have a taste of this awesomeness. The grilled turkey at Bar Enclave is simply everything food should be. In addition to this tantalising delicacy, you are sure  of always getting chilled drinks at the Bar Enclave. Bar Enclave is situated at 1, Adeola Adeleye Street, Off Coker Road, Ilupeju, Lagos. What are you waiting for????? LOL.

I remembered to take a picture after we had dug way into it. Yum. :)

I woke up late on Sunday morning but thankfully my dear aunt had sorted out my troops for me. I guess I needed more rest than I knew. Anyways, having pancakes on Saturday or Sunday mornings are a must in my house and since we didn't have any on Saturday morning, I had to come through for my son. He can eat a bowl-full of pancakes, that one. The thing about making breakfast for my family  especially when we have house-guests is that I always ensure everyone's sorted before I fix myself something to eat. Well, by the time everyone was done I had run out of pancakes and I wasn't keen on starting the process all over again so I decided to have some bread. I made eggs and heated up some made-in-naija baked beans (it turns out that the baked beans were undone. Ewww, I cannot describe how awful it tasted. *weeps in violated taste buds*). I found some Heinz baked beans and used that. I set my tray up and when I turned to add some bread to my brekkie, I discovered that we had run out of bread as well. Sigh. 

It appeared the universe was out to get me or something. While tweeting about my jinx, I turned away for a bit and when I turned back around, my daughter had polished off all the pineapples on my tray and she gleefully announced this while licking her fingers and smacking her lips. LOL. I was too hungry and amused to do anything other than laugh at the situation. I just jejely ate my eggs and baked beans and rested. At all at all, na im bad pass. The good thing about me tweeting my experience and the picture below was when a short while later, one of my followers tweeted at me thanking me for giving him a breakfast idea and commented on how much he enjoyed his brekkie which I had inspired. Bless.

It did taste better than it looks right now, lol. 

I made lunch and rushed out in the pouring rain for a S.T.E.R meeting with my team mates. I ran into Dan Foster at the mall, he used to be THE best OAP in Nigeria and I had met him on a few occassions many years ago. It was nice seeing him again after so long. 

My Teams and I  had to switch venues at some point and while at it, I bumped into one of my twitter followers and his brothers. I am glad he recognised me and indulged my short memory enough to reintroduce himself again and remind me of our previous meeting. It would have been really easy for him to think me a snub while the truth is that I do so need a reminder about encounters every now and then. So if you see me, holla o. Lol. Shout out to Tayo and his brothers. I even grabbed a selfie with him. I think I should find out if he's single and hook him up with a fine smart lady because he really is a well-mannered gentleman. 

Tayo and I.

Yes, I had to post two pixes cos we looked fabulous. LOL.

I would say we had a great and pretty enlightening meeting today. There is so much to do still in  using our Stand To End Rape NGO platform to raise awareness in our societies. I can guarantee you all that we are working on a number of innovative ways to do this and I hope I will get your support every step of the way. I will keep you updated of our activities as they unfold.

Smart, kind-hearted, beautiful ladies. #TeamSTER #AllHeartsAlways

That was about all I got up to this weekend. I hope your weekend was as fulfilling as mine was. I wish you all a beautiful week ahead. Please do be #AllHeartsAlways to the needy around you.  A hug here, a smile there, an offer to buy a hungry person a meal or an offer to give out your unused clothes to the poor, etc are ways of being #AllHeartsAlways.  Go for it. :) 

And The Beat Goes On...

Remember Ahmed, the boy I wrote about here who made a clock for a school project but which was mistaken for a bomb? Well it appears he is still getting loads of positivity off his sad initial experience with his school and the authorities. Microsoft allegedly sent him a whole bunch of  tech gifts and if you're a tech savvy person, this is like being in paradise for free. LOL

Good for you lad.