Twins But Not Twins. :)

I've got an amazing story to share with you, yes you reading this. :) My childhood friend, Bari was pregnant with her second child and coincidentally, her younger sister Rekiya was also pregnant with her first. They both had different expected delivery dates (EDD) but you know what they say about man proposing and God disposing, right? He disposed and made a miracle happen. :)

While Bari fell into labour first and eleven earlier than her EDD, Rekiya's waters broke while Bari was in the hospital. It was all so exciting and dramatic. Bari ended up having a baby boy and Rekiya had a baby girl ON THE SAME DAY at the same hospital in Plano, Texas. These adorable cuties are cousins and twins in my books, hehehe.

I will get a picture of four of them together and put it up soon. (I'm sooooooooo excited) Now according to bookmakers like Ladbrokes, they have beaten the odds of two sisters giving birth on the same day at 2,000-1.

But First, Lemme Take A Selfie..............

On a JetBlue flight from Carlifornia to Texas on Thursday, an engine failure occurred and it was so bad that smoke filled the cabin while oxygen masks dropped. Thankfully everyone was calm as the plane prepared for an emergency landing while one of the passengers took time to take picture, a selfie and a video. O.O The plane landed safely with minimal injuries to a few of the passengers.

While some people berated the chap who took the pictures, I think it's a bit commendable he was calm enough to try to get it recorded since he didn't know how it would all end. I would have been too terrified to do anything other than pass out from fright. What are your thoughts on the extent of his "selfie-game"?

Lemme take a selfie.....

Laugh It Off!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

 

 How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?

These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

LOENCO Offers Topnotch Engineering Services.

 If you are in search of an engineering company to cater to all your engineering works such as Computerized Dry Calibrations, Ultrasonic Thickness Dimension (UTD) and Hydrostatic Pressure Testing, Loenco Nigeria Ltd. is the place to go to for timely delivery of quality jobs with pure integrity.

Below is a breakdown of some of the services they engage in:

• HYDROSTATIC AND PNEUMATIC PRESSURE-TESTING OF PRESSURE VESSELS.

We carry out hydrostatic pressure-tests on pressure vessels (Storage and Mobile Tanks of all Sizes and Shapes) and boilers to any pressure from 0-190 bar (2700 PSI) with the most modern range of air operated hydraulic booster pumps that are in conformity to the Quality System Standard BS EN ISO 9001 1994.

• HYDRO TEST

This is done in order to test the suitability of vessels designed for storing other products not subjected to pressure (e.g. AGO, PMS e.t.c) and water tanks, both surface and underground regardless of size & shape.

• COMPUTERIZED ULTRASONIC UTD NON-DESTRUCTIVE THICKNESS TESTING OF VESSEL, MATERIALS AND OTHER ENGINEERING MATERIALS.

With our Cygnus 2 standard and Cygnus 3 Data logger digital Ultrasonic Thickness testing gauge, we can test to high precision the wall thickness of Vessels irrespective of their size, shape or position to determine the most accurate and current thickness. This is done in order to know their (Vessels’) suitability for service and to avoid failure during service for needed. It is a precautionary measure to enable safety of men and materials of any vessel or engineering material.

• COMPUTERIZED CALIBRATION OF VESSELS

After some years of research, we have come up with a less cumbersome, high precision method of calibrating vessels that is more efficient than the traditional method. All our clients who require this service find it as amusing as convenient because it saves time and ultimately, cost.

SPECIALIZATION Our company is organized into three main sections to provide most efficient and prompt services to our clients.
The main activity sections are:

• PROJECTS AND ENGINEERING SECTION
• EQUIPMENT SERVICES AND SUPPL SECTION
• CONSULTANCY/MANAGEMENT OF PETROLEUM PRODUCT DISTRIBUTION

In detail we carry out projects and supply on Orders for the following fields:

• Inspection/survey of Ocean Liner Tankers, conveying any Liquid.
• Pipeline installation and inspection.
• Calibration and Pressure Testing of High and Low Pressure Vessels (mobile and static storage tanks) for all liquid products.
• Fire-protection safety alarm system
• Supply of assorted Mechanical Materials, Pumps and Compressors.
• Thickness Test of all metal (ferrous) materials.
• Consultancy, Design, Layout and Supervision of LP Gas pipelines for estates.

Contact e-mail: loencoltd@yahoo.com Website: http://www.loenco.org/index.php

Be A Part Of The #Give2STER Campaign

The #Give2STER Campaign Promotes an End to Sexual Violence and Abuse.

Stand to End Rape (S.T.E.R) Initiative works to end all forms of rape through education, supporting victims of rape and changing community perceptions towards sexual violence and abuse. STER provides awareness seminars, sexual violence and abuse education, peer mentoring, therapy and promotes sexual and reproductive rights.

The “#Give2STER” campaign is an opportunity for everyone to say NO to sexual violence and abuse in our communities, and take a pledge to support the campaign. The campaign is aimed at starting a free self-defense class for children and young adults, visit schools to distribute preventive materials on sexual violence and also to have a rape intervention centre in Lagos (and across Nigeria).

Throughout the coming weeks, STER will be sharing information on how you can do your part to promote the campaign.

Follow STER’s Twitter handle, @standtoendrape for campaign updates, ways to donate and opportunities to join the campaign.

The #Give2STER campaign, which is STER's first official fundraiser starts today and culminates on October 4th from 8 p.m.

You can donate to STER’s bank account:

Account Name: Stand To End Rape Initiative

Account Number: 0157148304 (Corporate Account).

Bank: GTBank

You can also visit http://standtoendrape.org/ or call +2348095967000 for more information, updates on the campaign and ways you can participate on October 4th!

This is a great way to make a positive impact on the lives of others so don't hold back. Let us all join resources and be #AllHeartsAlways by being a part of the #Give2STER campaign.

The Wages Of Mutiny Is Death!

Nigeria is an amazing country filled with the most wonderful people, most of whom exhibit the oddest of traits that defies all forms of logic, theories or tinges of normalcy as you might expect it. Our leaders are simply wonderful creatures who think they are ruling a bunch of morons and I say this boldly because if they do not think us moronic, thy wouldn't lie to us blatantly and then turn around to say another thing. Take for example the sort of initial denials that occurred after the Chibok girls were kidnapped before they eventually conceded and admitted to the kidnap. As a result of that initial forceful denial, some people still believe the kidnap of the Chibok girls is but a fairytale concocted to damage the government's reputation, despite the same government backtracking and retracting their initial denial. 

There are many more instances like that where our government releases one lie thing and then eventually admits to the truth, usually after evidence is released on social media and the likes. The most recent one has a dreary twist to it because presently, the lives of twelve men are hanging in the balance over these sorts of discrepancies. Sometime in May, there were news flying around about some military men engaging in mutiny against Ahmadu Mohammed, General Officer Commanding (GOC) 7 Division of the Nigerian Army. Reports claimed that the sort of ambushes the soldiers were facing, without being adequately equipped to handle what they were faced against, made them snap and thus react angrily in the manner in which they did especially after seeing the brutally slain bodies of their colleagues. Trained soldier or not, I'm pretty sure such a horrific war scene is enough to cause anyone to lose their minds  briefly and throw caution to the wind despite their orientation of knowing that mutiny is the army means death. 

 Then came Chris Olukolade, Major General and spokesman for the Nigerian Army, who refuted such  claims of a mutiny by these officers of the 7th Division of the Nigerian Army. He said there was no such thing as the occurrence of a mutiny but that the officers merely expressed their displeasure by shooting into the air.  You can read one of such reports here. Ok then, fast-forward to September 2014, and the news breaks that 13 out of the 18 soldiers standing trial for participating in the mutiny (revolt action) against their General Officer Commanding, Maj. Gen. Ahmed Mohammed at the newly created 7 Division of the Nigerian Army in Maiduguri on May 12th have been sentenced to death by a military court that sat in Abuja yesterday night September 15th. Five others were discharged and acquitted while one was jailed for 28 days with hard labor.

According to the report, "The President of the Court Martial (military court), Maj. Gen. C.C. Okonkwo, while delivering his judgement said the 12 soldiers were found guilty of criminal conspiracy, mutiny, attempt to commit murder (shooting at the vehicle of the GOC); insubordination to a particular order; insubordination and false accusation."

Sigh. Do you see my dilemma with the dillydallying occurring in our system? It is our fundamental human rights as citizens of Nigeria to be furnished with accurate information from the government at all times. Well sentiments and emotions aside, the wages of mutiny in Nigeria is death. The law is the law. I can only hope the President will interfere and tamper justice with mercy, given the reason and nature of the mutiny itself. While I do not defend flouting a clearly stated law, I however understand why the soldiers reacted the way they did. Reports indicate that "the soldiers had on May 14th revolted against poor remuneration and lack of sophisticated weapons to fight Boko Haram. On that particular day, the soldiers lost their cool after seeing the corpse of some of their colleagues killed by Boko Haram men." 

According to a publication in Punch newspaper today, the General Officer Commanding, Maj. Gen. Ahmed Mohammed has been sacked, however the Defense Headquarters has denied this claim. (Sigh) I also wish we can apply stricter laws on corrupt officials and terrorists as well.

Giving to People Who Give - #AllHeartsAlways

This video made me cry, I won't even lie. The message behind it, the reactions, the gestures, everything about this video touched my core. Imagine a world where everyone was AllHeartsAlways, it would be a world filled with happy and satisfied people. Don't doubt or despair because it is achievable. Enjoy and act on it. :)

"Big Daws is better known for his Youtube prank videos, like eating junking food at a gym and pretending to know strangers. But this time he decided to do something different. He lives in Tempe, Arizona, and found an interesting way to bring awareness to the homeless population.
According to the Arizona Department of Economic Security, in 2012 there were 22,350 adults and 5,805 children registered as homeless. That was a 12 percent increase over the previous year. The Arizona Commission on Homelessness and Housing (ACHH) was established by Governor Janice Brewer and is a formal state plan designed to end veteran homelessness by 2015 and chronic homelessness by 2016."

What Value Do We Place On Lives??

I came across a story today about how a 10-year-old goldfish with a tumour in its head was operated on by Dr. Tristan Rich, the Head of exotics and wildlife medicine in Lort Smith Animal Hospital, Melbourne. Ten-year-old George (the goldfish) is a pet whose owners really love him and so seeing him in such distress equally caused them distress as well. George's owners had the choices of either spending $200 on a surgery or putting him to sleep, they chose the former. 

Thankfully, the surgery went well and George is currently in recovery. According to Dr. Rich, 'For the owners, it's not about having a fish, it's about having this fish'. 

As lovely and sweet as I found this story, it made me extremely sad because I realize that George's owners place far more worth and value on his well-being and life than our leaders place on the lives of Nigerians.Yesterday I got a call that my mum was ill and I had to rush to go see her. (she's much better, thanks for thinking of asking :). On my way back to a family function, I saw an accident that shook me to my core. A car appeared to have knocked down a man dead and while the badly damaged car was moved off the road, the dead body was left lying by the side of the road uncovered. There were several policemen and even a new station camera crew at the scene. It bothered me greatly that he was just left lying there, exposed, contorted and stone-cold dead. There were no concerns of the effects seeing the dead body would have on passersby nor the effect of seeing him like that could have on any member of his family who happened on the scene. It was a grim and pathetic sight to behold.

I am a member of the NGO Stand To End Rape (S.T.E.R) and today I got a horrifying call from my boss, Ayodeji. She was pretty distraught and I had to calm her down a bit. Apparently, there was a brutal rape case last night in Delta state and our NGO was contacted to help out. She advised them to get the poor victim, who happens to be a minor, to a hospital as quickly as possible. When the victim's family got to the hospital, they were turned back to go get a police report BEFORE she could be attended to!!! They headed out to the police station only to get there, make a report and be told they had to pay N3,000 before the police report could be issued to them!! Flamin' balls of fire, I saw red. 

Suddenly, nothing made sense to me any longer. Sending the money across to them wasn't the issue here because we were willing to do that, but that would have been a temporary solution to a lasting problem. I needed a solution that would be more permanent. I was furious at the injustice of it all, our silly laws and our seemingly lackadaisical attitudes to such horrors as are seen in the country in recent times. I vented out my fury on my twitter timeline and I ensured I copied the two police handles I could find. Thankfully one of them, @sho_NPF, responded and provided the phone number of the Delta Command PRO of the Nigerian Police Force. Ayodeji made the call and true to her words, the PRO came through for us. It was a small victory, but it felt great. The S.T.E.R team will ensure that little girl gets justice.

These incidences and the several others like them often deflates my hopes in humanity most times and it is getting more and more difficult to overcome the forbrooding feeling that washes over me at their occurrences. It is becoming more glaring to me that empathy seems to be only felt by a handful of Nigerians and this is not good enough.  I don't know at what point we got to this junction of nonchalance and absolute disregard for human lives, but I do know that we cannot/must not continue this way. We would do well to place better value on each and every Nigerian life. We would do better to know that every life is valuable.

Sadly, some Nigerians will read this post and still think George and his likes should be used in a pot of pepper-soup where they would imagine they are worth more. Sigh. *drops microphone*

The Rising Tide of Animal-Sex....

It seems to me there's a new fad going around that some of you might not yet be aware of. It is the rise (?) in zoophilia/bestiality. Now I know many centuries ago people did indulge in this sickening act, but I assumed it was a thing of the past. Recently however, there has been a lot of such news around. The other day, someone sent me a video of a Caucasian  male having sex with a snake.

Yes, you read right. I'm sure you are wondering where he put his "tool" and if it is even possible at all. Well, I saw it myself and if I had been told about it prior, I would have had doubts as well. It was one of the most painful things I've ever watched and the little of it I saw made me sick to my stomach. One could see and almost feel the discomfort of the poor reptile. The man kept forcing himself INTO the poor slithery snake. YUK!

This one happened a couple of years ago in Kenya I think!

Ever since I watched that video, I have come across several old and recent similar news on the internet and right here in our very own Nigeria. There was the case of a young boy caught having sex with a goat a few weeks ago and today, another teenager was busted having sex with a CHICKEN. I mean come on, what is there in a chicken to turn a human being on. Could it be the feathers or beak perhaps? The silly boy even 'fessed up to having also tried it with a goat previously!!! *faints*

The difference between zoophilia and bestiality is that while the latter is basically about the act on animals itself, the former involves actually having sexual feelings for the animals.I don't understand how the process works or what makes people carry out sex acts on animals but I am of the opinion that such people need psychiatric help. Studies have shown that zoophilia could result from sexual abuse, childhood experimentation or a lack of access to sexual relationships with other human beings. Whatever the case might be, it is definitely not normal and should be addressed medically and psychologically.

Finally, I think it is poppycock to compare homosexuality with zoophilia. Homosexuality involves sex between two ADULTS of the same sex, zoophilia on the other hand is ................. *drops mic and exits*

Sex Outside The Boudoir ...................

Yup! It's a day for another sex discussion and since we are all adults, we can learn from one another. Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, today's sex talk is about location. Sex (or love making) between a couple shouldn't be a thing of shame and it should be discussed. I know some people tend to be very shy about discussing sex with their partners but this should not be so, largely because you are both having sex anyways so why not talk about it and maximize both your satisfaction?

The last thing you want to be is a sexual bore with your spouse so spicing up your sex life is very important, and one of the ways in which to do this is to take the party out of the regular spot i.e. the bedroom. Now this is in parts because you have couples without children and couples with children so even though the ground rule is the same, the guidelines are not.