Trauma: Ghosts of Troubled Pasts

 6th November 7.16am

The thing about trauma is that it comes and goes in waves and you never know what can set you off if you do not address it intelligibly. It’s like a pack of dominoes, you topple one and all the others comes crashing into themselves until the very last one. Life’s challenges are like the domino seeds, stacking themselves up and getting ready to topple over at the slightest trigger. This is why dealing with trauma, per time, is absolutely necessary for everyone. Get a professional therapist if you can and/or use a wise friend as a sounding board to see/hear things from a broader perspective.

Being a Nigerian, it might sound like a foreign concept, yes I can hear you rolling your eyes at this, lol but I tell you, it’s not. It could make the difference between you being happy or you attracting happiness and love and you being a grouch and a grinch for the rest of your life. People do not know how much their bottled-up and unaddressed feelings and emotions causes them to react, overreact or lash out at others, often times for the most mundane things.

Sometimes, life can be so cruel and leave ugly scars on our bodies and souls even. These are quite traumatic so getting therapy is imperative to healing such that one can prepare to face the world and the next challenge, a stronger and better warrior. Listen, i do not know how the template of our existence came to being but as surely as the sun would rise tomorrow, there would be daily troubles and challenges. It is a norm so brace and prep yourself steadily to jump over and win these hurdles. 

Life won’t stop throwing curveballs, you just have to equip yourself better to handle each pass as it comes. Never forget that you’ve got this and yes you can, will and must. ❤👍

Buki O.

Life’s Turbulence

Life often get so rocky 

Like a plane mid-turbulence 

The deal is not to give in no matter how bumpy

It flings you here and there with such violence

You aim to remain calm and unseated

Not letting go of the reality but standing firm

And further striving to remain undefeated

Unfazed but beautiful like a new perm

Buki O. ❤

09:02:24

New Year, Who This? 2026 BABY………

Hello good people. Yes, I know, I know, I have been missing in action for a long long long time but believe me, my mind was here all the time. Adulthood had me in a chokehold but like a phoenix steady rises from the ashes, I STAY SURVIVING and THRIVING and I’m back. 😍😘

So let me list some of what’s been happening with me in the past 5 years and maybe you will pardon my long absence….

• I bought a house and moved.
• Got separated and divorced (long story o)
• I lost about five close friends/colleagues/workers within a few years and it is only by God’s mercy that my mind didn’t break. Death is a dirty stinky thief, tbvh.
• Had a bad accident on the job that’s affected my productivity but I lived, against all odds.
• Recuperation has been slow, painful and long but I remain thankful to God 
• I lost my dearest and precious dad. I really don’t know how to come to terms with it but I’m pushing through the ache and grief.
• I had another accident, lol. I am ungettable o. A real survivor, through and through.
• I was meant to be made Regent after my King Daddy dearest passed but usurpers must usurp innit. We meauve. lol
• My mum was very ill after my dad passed but she’s made a miraculous turnaround and for that I am eternally grateful. God no go shame us o. Ahn!
• Lost unfriendly friends and made/bloomed even better ones.

So you see, life has been lifing me but I refuse to gree for the matter. This is a new year and i am super determined to thrive, live, be free and happy and prosper in it and beyond it. I am aiming to live in each moment and keep being #AllHeartsAlways to everyone as best as I can without succumbing to bullshit nor gaslighting from nobody. I implore you all to do the same.

Have a beautiful and prosperous year ahead people.

Buki O. ❤

Tribute To My King Daddy Dearest

This is so difficult to write because it makes it so real that you’re gone from me physically forever. I know for an absolute fact that you’re in heaven grooving to the trumpets, drums and harps played by the Saints and Angels and I can only imagine your ever cheerful smile as you take in the sights and sounds of it all. 

You were my anchor who kept me rooted and loved me completely when it seemed no one else did. Through your tough and disciplined nature, you loved and shielded me from hurt and pain. I’ve got so many of your traits flowing through my body and I’m the better for these. These have shaped me into the resilient yet loving and lovable person I am today. You were the original Survivor, the great Lion with many lives who dared and defied death on so many occasions, yet who always came out victorious. 

Your positive disposition to life and situations were absolutely exemplary. Your genuine care for others and your desire to make peace with and for everyone was amazing to behold. A true King you were, through and through. You embraced your royal bloodline and carried yourself with such grace, endeavoring to carry all others along on your journey to becoming better and established. 

Oh, my daddy, my daddy, you’ve called to check in on me daily for the past four years, without fail. You’ve encouraged and prayed for my children and I daily. A few days ago, I instinctively picked up my phone to text you but then I realized I could never do that again. You’re gone from me forever daddy. 

I promise to keep pushing through life and overcome whatever challenges it throws at me (although I know you will march up to whoever’s in charge of the test-of-faith department up there and convince them to cut me some slack because I’m your precious baby Princess, your dearest Bukenkebukensin who deserves some soft life at this point) 

I promise to make you prouder than I did while you were with us. I promise to love you more in my heart and tell your great grandchildren about you and the legacy you left behind. I love you dad, and I miss you a great deal. Sleep well King Daddy, your memory lives on in our hearts. 

                                                  

Dance With My Father Again

I never really got it, the pain of losing a parent but I do now and truly death stings. 😩My dearest King Daddy has gone to be with the Angels. It all still feels like a dream to me, and I often find myself wishing I could literarily turn back the hands of time and sit with him for a full day, maybe even get at least one dance in with him. 💔

I really do not know what to do, how to feel, how to move forward from this pain and the crushing heartbreak et al but I am definitely taking things one hour at a time and praying fervently that God grants me strength to get through this. Not one day at a time but an hour per time because, clearly, now I understand when they say grief comes and goes in waves.

I feel God had somewhat prepared me for this period ahead of time because the events and experiences I have had since the beginning of the year and me retracing my steps back to God are what has held me up since my King Daddy passed. There are no words to describe the numbing pains and feeling of helplessness but just knowing that God is my ultimate source holds me up and keeps me going through it all.

                                                   

We laid him to rest on the 8th of November and it was beautiful. He would have loved it and been very proud of us. God, I miss him so bad it hurts. we all miss him. Truly, only God can comfort the grieving because nothing anyone says to me penetrates enough to soothe me or helps me makes sense of this tragedy that's befallen me. (This is not to undermine your unwavering support o) Yes, he lived well and impacted lives but the huge tragedy here for me is not being able to reach him whenever I want to anymore, ever again o. Ah! To be able to rewind time just a wee bit....... 😞😭😫

                                           

💔

Adulting And It's Chokehold

Hi people, goodness me I cannot believe it's been this long since I wrote or even posted. I do apologize for the gaps, but you see, adulting has had me in a tight chokehold. There doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day for me to get everything done, and there's definitely enough time for me to rest like I would and even when I do try to get a lie down and rest, my mind and brain then decide to do fun activities and everything but rest. 

To be honest, half the adults I've spoken with in the past two weeks sounded like we all needed adultier adults to step in, however briefly, and give us some quality time-off or something because whatttttttttttttttttttttt, we are unable to can anymore. Point us to the direction of these adultier adults please. :)

And to think we were all so keen to grow up and do adult things. rolling my eyes at us all Nothing fully prepared us for the responsibilities that adulthood comes with. These things were not shown or discussed enough around us while we grew up and longed for adulthood. 

As a matter of fact, methinks there needs to be a module/course every undergraduate MUST take that sheds some light on expectations and challenges one might encounter as an adult in the real world. It would cover issues such as jobs or a lack thereof, feeding habits, traffic, travel, friendships (fake and real), envy, relationships, marriages (successful and failed ones), finances (this one ehnnnnn), love, rest, joys, religions, office politics, back-stabbing friends and devious family members, intuitions and gut-feelings, parenting, etc. The full works because dare I say, there are more than enough real-life case studies on all these and several likely outcomes as well.

Gosh, the joy I feel right now just typing this post out. I have indeed missed writing and wish I could have enough time and mental energy to write more but as you can see, adulting has me hooked by my non-existent hairy balls. 😄

Am I right or am I right? How's adulting treating you at the moment? 💖

Give A Little Love

 

Yup. We own this month, us February born people and some of you people as well, lol. 😁It's the month of love. As a matter of fact, the entire year should be a year of love. Now, you may have been hurt, betrayed, jilted, dumped and so on by the seemingly love of your life and probably sworn off love but I'm here to tell and encourage you to give love a chance. Love is what makes the world a beautiful and wholesome place to live in. Let go of your pain and hurt and let love lead your way to greatness.

 

I know firsthand how desolate things might be when you have been betrayed by the very person who was meant to protect you and love you and I also know how beautifully you can blossom if you pull through and get past the hurt. Don't let nothing or nobody weigh you down. Never be afraid to start afresh and to love and be loved.

I know the month is almost over yes, I have been writing this post since the beginning of the month but I got caught up in other stuff. My apologies 😶 but that doesn't mean we won't celebrate love and life. Let us make the most of the daily moments we have.

Cheers. 💖

I STILL Better Pass My Neighbour!???

Dear Readers,

Would you believe that I wrote the post below since 2014? How time flies indeed. Alas, little or NOTHING has changed since I wrote this post. People are even more self-absorbed and have become more ridiculous in their manners and attitudes. The worst part is that the betrayal that comes with this selfishness usually comes from the closest friends and families rather than strangers even. 

Truth be told, I feel a lot of these craziness is driven by the unnatural desire to get rich quickly by any means possible thus showing that you are indeed better than everyone else. To what end, you wonder? I have not the foggiest clue, but I know that such mindsets are destructive and unsustainable. 

Some of you might have heard the news of the 22-year-old nanny that stole the baby of her employer and ran away a few days ago. That news proper stressed me out, but I just kept praying the poor wee baby would be found safe and in good time. Imagine learning the nanny was apprehended a few days ago, questioned and confessed to selling the baby off to a buyer for N800,000!! A whole child that the mother carried for ten months and laboured over being sold off like a piece of furniture because some people's twisted minds thought it would be a good scheme to get rich. Gosh. 

Thankfully, as of today, the baby has been found while the search is still on for the buyer and possibly the cartel behind this madness. We all need to do better as human beings and make this world a better and more comfortable place for everyone. 

Please enjoy the oldie but goodie piece below and do have a beautiful week ahead. 

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Seriously guys, who coined the slogan I-better-pass-my-neighbour? I would like to meet the person and pick their brains for a while. For those readers from outside Nigeria, the small petrol power generating set is what is referred to by some Nigerians as I-better-pass-my-neighbour. The generator is quite small and makes little noise and can only power bulbs and fans and a few small machines.

It is fairly affordable and thus accessible to the lower- and middle-class citizens. Some people own at least one of these smaller generators and an average sized one that can power equipment such as the freezer, refrigerator, washing machine and air conditioners. By now I'm sure foreigners are wondering if they are reading right. Yes dears, you are. We, the wonderful citizens of Nigeria, have to provide our own power supply individually. Those who cannot afford these generators, have to do without power until the power companies find it in their dear hearts to provide such. Sigh.

Anyway, this post is not about them today. Rather it is about the selfish nature of some Nigerians who think they have "arrived" by owning an I-better-pass-my-neighbour or anything such might connote. I find the name and mentality very distasteful and a tad too cocky. What makes you think you are better than those who cannot afford an item? If you go around with such a mentality, then it simply means you won't help the less privileged when they are in need because you are better than them.
RME.

We must love and help our neighbours as often as we can without getting weary of reaching out. That one is privileged today doesn't mean one should act out, especially when no one knows tomorrow.

I rest my case.

Bad Systems and Anyhowness

Sigh. We are not even a full month into the new year and already, a huge devastating disaster has struck in Nigeria and largely due to human error/carelessness and surely anyhowness. There were reports of a massive explosion in Ibadan last night and the first visuals from houses a distance from the actual scene showed a preview of how damaging the actual site would have been. 

It took over an hour before sketches of rumors started trickling out as to the cause of the blast. While some said it was a gas plant explosion, others said it was bombs that went off. Of course, it took several hours before official rescue and aid could come to the scenes of the blast. The Governor swung into action and asked that free medicals and accommodations be provided for the affected people. It was still a hot mess as people appeared confused and in the dark as to what had actually happened to bring such destruction to the city of Ibadan.

As of this morning, there have been more somewhat accurate reports of the cause of the blast stemming from a stash of dynamites stored inside a house in a residential area!!! You would think and wonder how on earth this is possible with the level of health and safety surrounding owning, storing and using dynamites in civilized countries right but this is Nigeria, a country with no functional system nor adequate repercussions for perpetrators. Anything goes here and it breaks my heart every single time the innocent ones have to pay for this. I saw some really horrific images of dead and dying people caught up in the blast and I really do not have the right words to express how I feel about this avoidable incidence.

I really do not know whose blood must be spilled before we act right and put appropriate measures in place in this country. We have learnt to be mentally immune to these abnormalities around us and we mask our pains with comedy, food and music, a fickle coping mechanism that only lets the issues fester and rot.

My condolences and prayers goes out to the victims and families of those affected by this explosion.

Autocorrupt And Vegetarian Mosquitoes

You know how you type one thing on your mobile phone and autocorrect frequently changes it to some complete hogwash instead, that is how the term autocorrupt came to being (that's my story....😶). The world nowadays seems to be turning upside down and nothing is as should be anymore. Basic things like good manners and common sense are now a rare thing, while abnormal things are now seen as normal and vice-versa. 

I noticed some mosquitoes flying around the other day and my mum noted how observant I was about them but she said it was ok for them to fly around since they weren't biting anyone. I thought to myself "ahnahn mummy, what in the vegetarian mosquitoes is going on here please?" 

So I made it my mission to kill at least one of the mosquitoes for research purpose and truly, it had sucked no blood. 😲 I was thoroughly perplexed. 😳 I guess my body got the "No gree for anybody/predator" memo this year and refused to be violated by any buggeroo 'quito. 😂

Anyway, I just want you to know that even when all others around you are neck-deep in corrupt shenanigans under the guise of "hustling", you do not have to join them. Be you, be true to yourself and do what is right even when no one is watching.

Cheers.